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View Full Version : I'm venting and need advise



Fuelfan
12-11-2012, 10:57 AM
Don't really know how to start this one so i'm just going to blow it out.... I've been offered a job on a new Top Fuel Funny Car team out of Qatar and have been invited to go over there for Christmas with my family and to check things out and we are to leave on the 21st, well life just changed drastically this week. My sister inlaw has a drinking problem and just received 2 yeah 2 more DUI's this last week at the same time, one for being on drugs and one for alcohol and two drug charges on to of that. To make a long story short, she's going to prison for these charges because this is # 5 and 6 DUI, her husband over dosed 6 months ago and passed away and now I have 3 more kids living with me with nowhere else to go. My wife wants me to still go to Qatar because this is my dream job and my opportunity to to get back behind the wheel but I feel like I can't leave my wife behind to handle all the bullshit that was just handed to my family. How one persons selfish choices can affect so many people in so many ways. I've never been away from my wife or family at Christmas time in 22 years. I'm just trying to hold it together right now and be strong dad and husband but inside i'm scrambled. I need a little help figuring this one out.

Orange24
12-11-2012, 11:05 AM
Partnership with your wife is key here. Making sure that this isn't a sacrificial thing and that her needs are completely taken care of. If she is 100% supportive of this choice and you both can have a healthy game plan on how to make things work till the relocation becomes more convenient then by all means! You have dreams and goals and she seems to understand that and support that. That's huge in a marriage. Also your perspective is going to be a little different because you don't have that "mother" identity in you. Where as she does. Doesn't mean that she is balls to the wall excited, it just means she knows she is plenty capable of making this work for both of you. Rule #1 protect your marriage at all cost, rule #2 stay strong, humble at heart, and always willing. Hope this helps. I'm not exactly the most qualified candidate for advice but I decided to share.

Bigmike
12-11-2012, 11:08 AM
Do what your wife is pushing bro... don't throw away a dream because others can't manage life. You'll regret it for life. You've got life live it for you and you immediate family... your wife and your kids.

Fuelfan
12-11-2012, 12:03 PM
I really do have a fantastic wife that is very supportive and extremely strong. The one thing I didn't mention is that I have 5 kids which 2 are older and have moved out but still would leave her 6 kids to take care of.
One of my thousand worries is that i'm getting getting a little older and this opportunity may never be there again. I keep thinking to myself though is this gods way of telling me not to go, that i'm going to die this time in a car? I'm at the point right now I think i'm just way over thinking everything. Maybe my estrogen levels are way to high or is the Tren talking? Lol

Vicious 13
12-11-2012, 12:56 PM
That's a really tough one bro... U have to the weigh the options, I was thinking go until I read the last post. God forbid, but what if something did happen. It wouldn't b fair to your wife and kids to not have u... I don't know bro I wish I had a book w all of life's answers cause that really is a tough one

CWB
12-11-2012, 01:39 PM
You will be in my thoughts my friend as I send all the love and positive energy I can your way. This is huge as your clearly aware. If you have any other family now is the time for everyone to come together and help these new children that have become fulltime in your life. If everyone can help even a little these kiddos will be safe and hopefully everyone will be able to continue there lives without having them put completely on hold. If theres anything I can do for you please get in touch.

ordawg1
12-11-2012, 03:00 PM
Just go and all will work out.My business took me all over the world and back in the old days was very tough to stay in touch.Today-you can talk and see each other over web daily.Will actually make your marriage stronger IMO.She is being supportive which is a big gift.Make sure she is OK with bills etc and get on it or life will pass you by.Approach thse issues with a positive attitude and all will be well-Luck-OD

Fuelfan
12-11-2012, 03:03 PM
Thanks guys for the support! This one is going to take a little thought and some prayer I think. One way or another I think things will work them self out. I think it's time for the gym and a good head cleaning!

kazman68
12-11-2012, 08:38 PM
Thanks guys for the support! This one is going to take a little thought and some prayer I think. One way or another I think things will work them self out. I think it's time for the gym and a good head cleaning!

Good idea, and pray for your sister-in law and her husband, addiction clouds the mind, it blinds you from anything and everything that should be important to you. I'm not defending their actions, by any means. They are lucky they have someone like you to help out (your a good man) I hope they can break free of this 'insanity' and it is to me, and get there lives back together..again God bless you for your actions. I also hope you get to do your dream job, I never had one...you sir deserve that.

babablacksheep
12-11-2012, 09:26 PM
I will keep it in my thought and prayers for you......there wouldn't be anything put in front of you if you couldn't deal with it.....best wishes bro

Ironguruera
12-11-2012, 09:37 PM
If your wife is on board I say go for it. The only things in life I regret are the things I didn't do! Life is short bro. Most ppl never ever get a chance to do what they really want in life. Don't let is pass u by!

Like od said u can FaceTime and Skype these days. My wife has family in England and they get to talk and see our baby several times a week.

I say try it. If she gets overwhelmed and can't cope u can always bail out.

SisterSteel
12-11-2012, 09:41 PM
I agree with everyone. You have your wife's support and in today's day and age you aren't as far away as you think. You can talk to her ED through skype and other means. I wouldn't pass up something that you'll regret for the rest of your life.

red crayon
12-11-2012, 10:14 PM
I have to add my two cents in here.
Im not catholic but some of the best advise I ever got was from a catholic priest when I was in the military. He said God loves you and wants you to grow. He will never give you anything to handle without giveing you a way to do it first.
Maybe you will need Gods help? Maybe the answer is no dont go? God gave you the right to choose so make a wise choice based on all available information. Dont forget that being married means that you now have two people who make it work so ask your wife what she thinks! You two are partners and should have equal input. Love makes a marrage work but it wont last long without some money to get the other things that life requires.
More kids means that you need more money. A better job means more money. I dont know all the details but it looks like to me that God has already provided the answer!

ordawg1
12-11-2012, 10:19 PM
Thanks guys for the support! This one is going to take a little thought and some prayer I think. One way or another I think things will work them self out. I think it's time for the gym and a good head cleaning!

Wishing you the best-keep us posted-OD

exphys88
12-11-2012, 10:58 PM
I'm in agreement w those saying go for it. Everything will work itself out, and your wife will figure it out.

Fuelfan
12-12-2012, 12:41 PM
My wife called in the big guns last night to persuade me in the right way. I sat down with some brothers of mine from a club I belong to and they have offered to help in any situation that arises while i'm away. It's a tough situation but it will all work out somehow. I'm going to take my biggest fan or should I say my only fan (my 10 year old son) and head for the desert. I'm a little nervous going to a foreign country that has some crazy believes and do some strange shit but the opportunity is totally worth it. Once we get over there I'll post some pictures and try and get some video. Without the support of all of you and my family and all my brothers I would have never made this decision. Thanks everyone and I'll keep everyone posted once we are there.

Ironguruera
12-12-2012, 12:56 PM
sounds like an exciting adventure and u have your son and biggest fan as your sidekick !

red crayon
12-12-2012, 09:52 PM
While you are away, always remember that if something goes south and doesnt look right that home is just a plane ride away! Stay in touch with your wife as much as possible, she will never forget that! When my son was in Afganistan he would contact his wife several times a week and use skype to contact his mom almost every week. Letting them know that your still there and that you care will help a lot. Good luck!

Fuelfan
12-19-2012, 11:17 AM
2 days before my boy and I leave and trying to get everything together. I bought us a IPad to take so we can Skype. I've been trying to fill all my juice into labeled insulin vials so I can stay on cycle while i'm gone (hope that works) just trying to figure out a way to take pins other than just put them into my backpack. Just don't know the laws over there to buy things like that. December 26 we plan on taking 2 330' bumps and 3 660' bumps and if that goes well I'll probably be able to make a couple full pulls which i'm praying for. That's my Christmas present! I think I can already sell the nitromethane!

NTL
12-19-2012, 11:55 AM
Good luck on your trip and keep us updated.

bigcivic
12-19-2012, 12:40 PM
Hey bro r u joining the alanabi team

Fuelfan
12-19-2012, 01:05 PM
That's who I work for right now and will be using one of their chassis for testing next week but it's for a completely different team.

bigcivic
12-19-2012, 01:27 PM
That's cool bro. Wish u all the best go for it.