Fucked up in the head right now

[Manny1983]

Well I haven't been around very much these past few weeks, and as some of you know I've been going thru some shit. I broke up with girlfriend of almost 9 years and we have 2 daughters together. I just wasn't happy with her anymore and was no longer in love, basically got sick and tired of her attitude, lack of cooking, and lack of cleaning. I had wanted to break up for a few years now but she kept guilting me into staying together. Then not to long ago I met someone (my current girlfriend) she is gorgeous, has a great attitude, loves to cook, and she keeps a clean house. Well we hit it off really good and I thought to myself y should I be unhappy with someone when I can be with someone that appreciates me and makes me happy, so it pushed me into finally breaking up with her. My issue now is that I'm depressed that my family isn't together anymore and I love my daughters and love having them with me at all times. At the same time I haven't this happy with someone ever but my mind keeps fucking with me and it's pissing me off. A few nights ago I was laying in bed alone and started thinking that I'm a big piece of shit for leaving her and I just laid there all night without sleeping. Ugh on the 1 hand I'm miserable right now but on the other I'm happy as fuck. That is all ill shut my face now

[Ironguruera]

That's what we are here for bro. I feel like a have a bunch of great bros I can go to on here. I don't have many close friends and in a way some things I don't like keeping in the close circle.

that's a tough deal with the kids. All I can suggest is spend as much time with them as u can. I feel u made a good choice and it will pay off in the long run. Life is way to short to be stuck with someone.

It's just all new right now manny. Give it time. Spend the nights and weekends u can with the girls. Takes a minute to settle into a new routine.

[Bigmike]

That's a tough situation man... You have to do what's good for you and your daughters. But leaving the mother doesn't mean your leaving your daughters. I think it will make being a full time father tougher. However if you're devoted to your kids and this new found lady, you'll do what it take to make it work. Your a man and you seem like a good one as high as your level of care for your children is. Men like you always make ends meet.

I'm high but I was serious

[MuscleAddiction]

That type of traumatic life change is never easy and takes time and a lot of emotional change as well. Your daughters come first, can't be selfish or resentful with them, they need their daddy's love & guidance. As far as the making sense of it all, in time it will and if it was meant to be then it will be. I do cooking, wife does a little but told me from very beginning she only cooks at Thanksgiving, or Top Ramen. She does more, but I love to cook and create healthy food and meals. Cleaning is a team effort, the whole family pitches in, a marriage or relationship s a bond, and when it is right you know. Was there some unsaid things from your past relationship that is making you feel guilty for not asking or listening? Sorry, getting therapeutic on ya lol. Anyway, you will figure it out bro, go spend some time with your little girls, they love daddy!

[kazman68]

I feel you, Don't let her guilt her way back into your heart, you know you won't be happy that way. That's a tough spot to be in, life can be such a bitch. You have friends here!

[Manny1983]

Thanks guys. Yeah I've been spending as much time with my daughters as possible, I broke up with her on good terms and decided to share custody instead of fight about it and remain friends so we can still do things as a family from time to time. On days I don't have them I still go pick up my oldest daughter in the morning to drive her to school and see my youngest while I'm there as well.

I like to cook also but the thing was that she would be home all day and not do shit around the house or cook, she would feed my oldest daughter microwaveable food all the time and I would tell her that she needs to learn to cook (she knew how to cook very little) so that my daughters wouldn't eat unhealthy and get fat. Believe me I would cook when I'd get home sometimes but for the most part I'd be dead tired after work and wouldn't have the energy to cook.

As far as something in the past giving me guilt not really, I tried my hardest to make it work with her but she didn't put in enough effort, like for the first few years my parents didn't really like her because she was rude to them but of course back then I didn't realize it because I was blind to it, but after I did I'd always fight with her telling her that she needed to be more sociable with my parents my sisters and even my friends and it took a long time before she was finally friendly
with them. My guilt is just that I feel like I did abandon my daughters by splitting up with her even though I see them just about everyday and feel that I chose my own happiness over my family

[Lunchbox]

Do all that you can for your daughter's bro. Doesn't matter if your single, with their mom or with a new GF... love and do for them. Cause no matter where you are in life or whom your with, you'll always have those girls.

Wish you the best possible Manny. You have been a good dude to me since I met you on EB. Keep your head up bro and all the MC bros are here for a sounding board when you need us.

[MuscleAddiction]

Sounds like you made the right decision bro...wasn't insinuating anything, just lending support. Things will work out for the best!

[layddually]

My ex and I have three daughters our divorce was best thing that happened to me. I still spend lots of time with my kids but I would probably be in prison for murder had we stayed together.

[red crayon]

I can see that your decision was a very difficult one. I dont believe in divorce or any of that stuff. On the other hand I understand that with the changes life throwes at you sometimes its the only choice. I know you werent married but I bet it feels the same. I am very lucky to have a wife who makes me complete! I hope you can find another woman like that! The kids will adapt to whatever happens as long as you keep loveing them and being there as much as possible. If you need to vent or just need to talk we are here for you!

[Manny1983]

Talked to my oldest daughter tonight cuz she was crying when my x left (my little 1 is sick so she was over for awhile) and she told me that she doesn't want us to be separated and she's sad n that she thinks about it in school n gets sad sometimes. I tried explaining things to her as best as I could n made it clear that we both love her n her sister very much but this is what's best and that if she's ever feeling sad she can always call me n talk or talk to her mom or grandparents (x moved back home) she calmed down n said she understands but she's still sad. I started crying lol but I think that actually helped to cuz she saw that I love her n want her to feel happy.

[kazman68]

Talked to my oldest daughter tonight cuz she was crying when my x left (my little 1 is sick so she was over for awhile) and she told me that she doesn't want us to be separated and she's sad n that she thinks about it in school n gets sad sometimes. I tried explaining things to her as best as I could n made it clear that we both love her n her sister very much but this is what's best and that if she's ever feeling sad she can always call me n talk or talk to her mom or grandparents (x moved back home) she calmed down n said she understands but she's still sad. I started crying lol but I think that actually helped to cuz she saw that I love her n want her to feel happy.

You are a real man! You put your kids first! and it takes more of a man to cry then bottle shit up and have a heart attack, I'm sorry what your going through is extremely painful, but I believe your making the right decision..and you do have friends here! Your young you only live once, no sense going through life not being happy, I hope everything works out for you...you seem like a bright guy and will do what's right.

[ordawg1]

We had this situation with our daughter.Her & hubby just couldn't get along.She ( or daughter) didn't move back home-but she runs my business plus has 4 children.Working for me allows her much freedom -plus she earns 3 times what husband does.We didn't take sides as inlaws and just let them work on it. My son in law came to me many times in tears asking for advice.The daughter did the same plus the 4 grandbabies are here quite a bit and they had questions. Long story short after a year of being apart I talked them into dating and COMMUNICATING with each other.Today they are back together and happier than ever. BUT-I think the seperation was a good thing.He learned respect- she learned that she still wanted the family together. It is very difficult being a Dad-grandpa-plus a father in law and be friends with all.Is a tough situation and " might" take time.They are together today and struggling with $$ as they SPEND way too much. But-the important thing is they worked things out over time so it would turn out OK. Maybe give it some time Manny-feel your way around.Just my 2 cents from an old guys perspective-Luck on ya-OD

[Orange24]

Dude you ain't fucked up one bit!!! I love how gentle and affectionate you are with your kids. The fact that she even opened in the first place indicates just how special you are to her!!! And that she trust you bro. Huge deal. Keep it up man, your more solid than you think!

[tk12]

Dude- good luck with your situation..
Life is hard- no doubt!
Keep your head up!

[Nelson303]

Big respect for you Manny. You have handled everything like a true champ. Everyone wants picture perfect but, life is so different for everyone. The communication with the kids are key. Couldn't talk to my x after the divorce but talked to the kids. It made all the difference in the world. My x will say shitty comments about me and, my kids will call her on her shit. They know the truth and are more grounded because of it. So your posts before show the love you have for your family. Adapt and overcome. Enjoy the new family. Just tell the kids they have more grandparents to fleece on holidays. Win win

[MuscleAddiction]

We had this situation with our daughter.Her & hubby just couldn't get along.She ( or daughter) didn't move back home-but she runs my business plus has 4 children.Working for me allows her much freedom -plus she earns 3 times what husband does.We didn't take sides as inlaws and just let them work on it. My son in law came to me many times in tears asking for advice.The daughter did the same plus the 4 grandbabies are here quite a bit and they had questions. Long story short after a year of being apart I talked them into dating and COMMUNICATING with each other.Today they are back together and happier than ever. BUT-I think the seperation was a good thing.He learned respect- she learned that she still wanted the family together. It is very difficult being a Dad-grandpa-plus a father in law and be friends with all.Is a tough situation and " might" take time.They are together today and struggling with $$ as they SPEND way too much. But-the important thing is they worked things out over time so it would turn out OK. Maybe give it some time Manny-feel your way around.Just my 2 cents from an old guys perspective-Luck on ya-OD

You are the Grand Poobah aren't you O'Dawg? That was a great story and you hit one of the 4 major components and means for any successful marriage or relationship...communication! The other three are love, honesty, & trust. I have gain much more respect for you my friend...what a great man you are!

[MuscleAddiction]

Talked to my oldest daughter tonight cuz she was crying when my x left (my little 1 is sick so she was over for awhile) and she told me that she doesn't want us to be separated and she's sad n that she thinks about it in school n gets sad sometimes. I tried explaining things to her as best as I could n made it clear that we both love her n her sister very much but this is what's best and that if she's ever feeling sad she can always call me n talk or talk to her mom or grandparents (x moved back home) she calmed down n said she understands but she's still sad. I started crying lol but I think that actually helped to cuz she saw that I love her n want her to feel happy.

That is what you do bro...comfort and console your little girls and daddy to let them know everything will be alright, and that they are loved unconditionally, shit bro I cry everytime I think of my girls, they bring me so much joy in my life and I never want to be without them daily! You are a good man Manny, you are not fucked up in the head...in fact the complete opposite if you ask me bro. Things will be beautiful in your world from here on out as long as you put those little girls 1st !

[Manny1983]

Thanks guys it's been a real help talking about this with someone other than the guy in the mirror.

Yeah I told her they are what are most important. I went as far as to explain to her that when mommy starts dating someone she needs to give them a chance so mommy can be with someone and be happy and the same for me (she doesn't know I'm dating someone) she said she doesn't want a new mommy or daddy and I told her that no one is ever going to replace mommy or daddy but that we can't be alone for the rest of our lives and although she's only 7 I told her its the same thing for when she gets older she isn't going to want to be alone and she seemed to understand.

[MuscleAddiction]

Thanks guys it's been a real help talking about this with someone other than the guy in the mirror.

Yeah I told her they are what are most important. I went as far as to explain to her that when mommy starts dating someone she needs to give them a chance so mommy can be with someone and be happy and the same for me (she doesn't know I'm dating someone) she said she doesn't want a new mommy or daddy and I told her that no one is ever going to replace mommy or daddy but that we can't be alone for the rest of our lives and although she's only 7 I told her its the same thing for when she gets older she isn't going to want to be alone and she seemed to understand.

My youngest daughter will be 7 in January...she understands more than I ever knew bro, I'm sure your girls know, just want reassurance!!! Love the shit out of them at this time...they are your priority, and hopefully your new girl will understand that and not get jealous!

[Manny1983]

My youngest daughter will be 7 in January...she understands more than I ever knew bro, I'm sure your girls know, just want reassurance!!! Love the shit out of them at this time...they are your priority, and hopefully your new girl will understand that and not get jealous!

Yeah she knows what's up, I let her know they come first n if she doesn't treat them good I'm leaving her

[SisterSteel]

As long as you gave it everything in terms of trying to make it work and she did the same, than moving on is the best thing you could do. You only get 1 time to go around this world so make it the best you can.

[babablacksheep]

I wish you the best of luck and I know it's now easy to make decisions like this.....but you did the right thing....everyone is here for ya bro.....I have 2 kids with my wife and couldn't imagine splitting up.....try to keep your dick up

[mj_0360]

lmao my girl kicked me out of the house friday morning and now she realizes that I am actually gone and she wants me back. I'm not going to get suckered back in again. I feel bad but in the long run I think that this is the best thing for the best of us. All of my shit is at her place and I am staying at my dads house for now until I save up a few dollars to get a new place.

[chrisotpherm]

We had this situation with our daughter.Her & hubby just couldn't get along.She ( or daughter) didn't move back home-but she runs my business plus has 4 children.Working for me allows her much freedom -plus she earns 3 times what husband does.We didn't take sides as inlaws and just let them work on it. My son in law came to me many times in tears asking for advice.The daughter did the same plus the 4 grandbabies are here quite a bit and they had questions. Long story short after a year of being apart I talked them into dating and COMMUNICATING with each other.Today they are back together and happier than ever. BUT-I think the seperation was a good thing.He learned respect- she learned that she still wanted the family together. It is very difficult being a Dad-grandpa-plus a father in law and be friends with all.Is a tough situation and " might" take time.They are together today and struggling with $$ as they SPEND way too much. But-the important thing is they worked things out over time so it would turn out OK. Maybe give it some time Manny-feel your way around.Just my 2 cents from an old guys perspective-Luck on ya-OD

OD, amazing advice. I wish all parents were like this and helped the situation not break the situation. To many times families always pick sides and hinder true reality by putting false jaded fiction in their heads and makes everyone an enemy.

Op, time will heal wounds bro as well as help the kids to understand. Long road brother. I'm here if you need to talk!