View Full Version : Bad News for Me
Me and the wife I think are finally moving towards divorce. After 17 years of marriage she just doesn't love me and can't seem to reciprocate the love I give her. We've been to counseling, marriage seminars, you name it, we don't want to hurt our 3 children and I know THEY will suffer the most from this. Tonight I finally broke down and had myself a 6 pack of Guiness beer, it's the first time I have drank in over 3 years. I am not moving out till I get enough money saved up and the split is not a knock down drag out but amiccable. I hope i spelled that right. I like to think of myself as a man of God and wonder why this is happening to me. I feel I have a year long struggle ahead of me, full of loneliness and just being down right distraught and I hope working out will make me feel better, even though that too may suffer and become sporadic. I know God says he will never give me more than I can handle, it will be rough at first, I will miss my kids the most. I rambling on, but needed a friend to talk to tonight as the only buddies I have are right here on this forum. Thanks for listening. I am just glad I have a family here that will listen.....
joeblow12345
03-09-2013, 12:57 AM
That's a shame bro. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck.
ineedtogrow
03-09-2013, 01:40 AM
damn bro it always sucks to hear things like this. sometimes though it can definately be for the best though. it can change your life and your childrens life for the best. I wouldn't look at it in a bad way, but instead think about it as breaking free from the problem that has plagued you for so long. keep your head up bro when one door closes another always opens.
Mattingly
03-09-2013, 02:33 AM
Ecto, very sorry to hear brother. The fact that both of you are most concerned about your kids is great to hear. I wish more parents thought kids first. With them as your focus you can get through this as well as possible for all of you!
Vicious 13
03-09-2013, 02:41 AM
I'm very sorry brother... Put your faith in god and stay strong... A couple of beers is ok but please don't get on the wrong path it will make things so much worse. I've been through hell and back myself please feel free to pm me if u want to talk. Sometimes it's nice
To air things out
I'm very sorry brother... Put your faith in god and stay strong... A couple of beers is ok but please don't get on the wrong path it will make things so much worse. I've been through hell and back myself please feel free to pm me if u want to talk. Sometimes it's nice
To air things out
No wrong path for me. I went down that alcohol road long ago. It probably killed all the love in my wife way back when and she just never got it back. We separated 5 years ago for 2 months because she was having an online affair with her old fiance from high school, he was her first love, but he is married, and things didn't pan out online, so she wanted me back, but it's been too late, she just doesn't love me. We're friends but I can't keep living with a roomate. This has been a long time coming and we have tried everything, I just finally had to face it, man up, and make the decision, as bad as it is tearing me apart. I'm 42 and wasn't really looking to spend the rest of my life alone. Anywho thanks for all the advice and uplifting words.
Fit Guru
03-09-2013, 09:31 AM
Sometimes it's just over . You gotta know when. I hate being alone so I hung on to my last marriage way too long. Good luck bro!
SisterSteel
03-09-2013, 10:55 AM
I'm sorry to hear this but like Fit said you have to know when to walk away.
babablacksheep
03-09-2013, 11:19 AM
I feel for you ecto....I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy....I can't imagine what it's like....pm me if you need to and know myself and the community is here for whatever we can do for you....take care of yourself and your kids and I promise things will get better for you
Manny1983
03-09-2013, 11:54 AM
Damn bro I'm so sorry. I don't know how divorce feels but I split up with my baby momma we were together for almost 9 years and it sucked but it gets better brother just hang in there. If you need anything my pm box is always open.
zedhed
03-09-2013, 12:16 PM
Bro Ecto Im so sorry man. But believe me there really is nothing worse then staying in a dead marriage. It is poison for both of you and what Fit said it exactly true.
So at this point bro do what you need to do and make it as nice as you can. Peeps do just plain fall out of love bro and its a fact of life.
Better for each of you to go your own way then to live out your lives in misery. Your right bro it is bad for the kids. But it is also bad for the kids to be in a life where the parents cant stand each other.
IMO God does understand us, after all he made us and he knows every one of our short comings. He knows whats in your heart and thats all that counts bro.
I hope the best for you Ecto.
Ironguruera
03-09-2013, 02:05 PM
Ecto we are here for you brother. just trust me on this one. When it comes to women....the grass is always greener in my experience. You deserve someone who will give back what u are giving.
You have always been a gentlemen on here, and I'm sure a lovely lady will see that in you when u are ready.
I've been down the heart break road a few times brother. Do your best to not dwell on what if had done this or what if we had done that. You have done much more then most to make things work. Just move forward!
Find comfort in your lifting and in your brothers here at the mc!
Nelson303
03-09-2013, 02:39 PM
Ecto, we are here of ya dog. Stay away from the booze. It got the best of me when my divorce went through. My marriage was just going through the motions. And it was and is the hardest on the kids. But as parents we need to be well enough to function. Even if it means a divorce. Only time and love will tell. Sounds like you are thinking level headed so, now just do what you can to make it easy for the kids. I feel you bro. There are no simple answers. Good luck dog
chrisotpherm
03-09-2013, 06:38 PM
Ecto my heart goes out to you brother. I too am a firm believer in God. Still everyone has their own free will and choice and if two people are not having the same will and choose together forever then we have to except things for what they are. Hold in the faith my brother and don't beat yourself down as again you can't change anyone but yourself.
You will not be alone or go down a rough road without anyone. WE WILL ALL be here walking beside and if need be carry you through whatever you go through.
Be a peace brother, know your lived here and refocus your energy on how you can be the best dad you possibly can be for the kids. For that is what matters now!
kazman68
03-09-2013, 08:19 PM
Me and the wife I think are finally moving towards divorce. After 17 years of marriage she just doesn't love me and can't seem to reciprocate the love I give her. We've been to counseling, marriage seminars, you name it, we don't want to hurt our 3 children and I know THEY will suffer the most from this. Tonight I finally broke down and had myself a 6 pack of Guiness beer, it's the first time I have drank in over 3 years. I am not moving out till I get enough money saved up and the split is not a knock down drag out but amiccable. I hope i spelled that right. I like to think of myself as a man of God and wonder why this is happening to me. I feel I have a year long struggle ahead of me, full of loneliness and just being down right distraught and I hope working out will make me feel better, even though that too may suffer and become sporadic. I know God says he will never give me more than I can handle, it will be rough at first, I will miss my kids the most. I rambling on, but needed a friend to talk to tonight as the only buddies I have are right here on this forum. Thanks for listening. I am just glad I have a family here that will listen.....
Man I'm so Sorry! I broke up with a lady I loved after 7+ years and a good friend who just ended a 20 yr marriage...it's hard, one of the hardest things you ever will deal with, you have friends here...It's so hard at first but I swear it does get easier, don't be afraid to lean on people...my buddy is doing better, I'm happier than ever today etc...remember you have people who care, you don't have to fight this alone, and God is there as well..he always will be..
red crayon
03-09-2013, 11:42 PM
We are here for you if you need anyone to talk to during this rough patch you are going through! Hold on to your faith and always look forward. Whats done is done. I often wish I had some magic way to fix things but there just isnt any. All you can do is learn from and remember this experience while moving forward. Everything moves in cycles its how life works so hang on the good times are coming. They are just a little farther down lifes long and rocky road.
Im so sorry brother. There is no pain like emotional pain for me. I find working on bettering the man I am to be the best thing while working through difficult times.
I want to again say Thank You for all the kind words and optimism. This so hard on me right now, I'm not taking it very well, but that is expected, I guess it's like mourning a death, cause I am losing someone I still love. This whole experience will drain me physically, mentally, and financially. Times will be rough, I might be livng on skid row when I have to start paying child support. In the state where I live Child Support is going to decimate me. $800 a month for sure, heck that is a house payment. Oh well, I will give anything to help support my kids, I love them dearly. I love you guys, you're AWESOME!!!!! :)
ineedtogrow
03-10-2013, 01:22 PM
I want to again say Thank You for all the kind words and optimism. This so hard on me right now, I'm not taking it very well, but that is expected, I guess it's like mourning a death, cause I am losing someone I still love. This whole experience will drain me physically, mentally, and financially. Times will be rough, I might be livng on skid row when I have to start paying child support. In the state where I live Child Support is going to decimate me. $800 a month for sure, heck that is a house payment. Oh well, I will give anything to help support my kids, I love them dearly. I love you guys, you're AWESOME!!!!! :) i hear you on the child support bro! thats what i have to pay for 1 kid. i think its bullshit because the courts say that is my HALF of the share. what fucking kid do you know cost $1600/month? i also have 3 kids living at home with me and they dont cost $4800/month to take care of. i cant fucking stand our government.
REGGOR
03-10-2013, 05:01 PM
Sorry to hear this brother and yes your right it is going to be tuff.. I met my first wife when we where 17 years old and we where togther till we where 35 or so.. My wife cheated on me so i had to leave her and we have 2 kids..
Losing my kids destroyed me and it is still upsetting ten years latter .. Being that i left home at 16 years old i never had a education and had to move back to my home state 500 miles away cuz i coukld not afford to live and pay support..My daughter to this day is now 18 and still wont talk to me ..
Brother i wish there was away you could hang on with her cuz for me its a pain that will never go away.
I fell in the bottle for alomst ten yearsand all but gave up. Then i met a phillipino girl and she stayed with me as i fought my way back to life.. She is religious and she will say to this day that she was sent from god to save me.. I am far from a religious man but we have been married now for 8 years..
You wont be alone for ever bro ..
Ohh yha and i have had to mostly work for the last 10 years just to make my support payments.. The courts will suck all the life out of you..
REGGOR
03-10-2013, 05:41 PM
If you can't hold on bro..
Child support is seprate from
daycare
school activites
medical insurance
and a fuck load of other stuff.. Try to get one of your kids for the tax decutiion even tho she will have them you can still claim them ..
You need to get a good lawyer bro by the time the courts got done with me i lost every thing i ever had .. I ended up with a tv and a old recliner. Lost my home and had to file bankruptcy..
I am not trying to scare you bro but i dont want to see you get bent over like i did..
Brother take care of yourself and if there is any thing i can do hit me up .. There is alot of things i wish i would have done but was to stuipd to know but fuck i know now..
Well the split is amiccable and we are still friends. I know divorce court can make a mess of what was friendly. But she can have the house and everything in it except some small things. She is more concerned that I do well and don't move from this town and wants to give me 50/50 on custody of the kids. I know the lawyers are out for blood and want to pit us up against each other, but the only material possessions I need I can take with me no problem. The child support won't be bad if i get partial custody. I pay for everything including insurance and she is self employed and makes just barely less than I do. I am trying to be smart and positive about it. I am all ears on any advice you guys offer and being that is is my first rodeo of divorce. LOL
REGGOR
03-10-2013, 07:00 PM
Man thats great news bro.. Sounds like you have a good handle on it.. Looks like you are going to be ok bro !!!
ineedtogrow
03-10-2013, 07:37 PM
Well the split is amiccable and we are still friends. I know divorce court can make a mess of what was friendly. But she can have the house and everything in it except some small things. She is more concerned that I do well and don't move from this town and wants to give me 50/50 on custody of the kids. I know the lawyers are out for blood and want to pit us up against each other, but the only material possessions I need I can take with me no problem. The child support won't be bad if i get partial custody. I pay for everything including insurance and she is self employed and makes just barely less than I do. I am trying to be smart and positive about it. I am all ears on any advice you guys offer and being that is is my first rodeo of divorce. LOL
my ex said the same things before she screwed me. she got a Lawyer, I didn't and I lost my ass. poke as much money away as you can, but not in any bank account, make it cash and hide it well. make sure you go into this with a lawyer. things can still go exactly how you want even if you have one, but they will make sure you don't get fucked. your lawyer is there for you in your corner and if you want to give your wife everything your lawyer will help you make that happen and make sure in the end that you still get to see your children.
Oh I am definitely getting a lawyer, cause things CAN change. She has told me I can take up to six months or longer to get my finances in order before we even start this process, all while still living here in the same house. For now she is sleeping in the other bedroom. So far it has been civil but women can be very vindictive and I will be watching my back.
ineedtogrow
03-10-2013, 09:58 PM
Oh I am definitely getting a lawyer, cause things CAN change. She has told me I can take up to six months or longer to get my finances in order before we even start this process, all while still living here in the same house. For now she is sleeping in the other bedroom. So far it has been civil but women can be very vindictive and I will be watching my back.
that's good bro. always keep thinking that way. just make sure you keep your money out of the system and keep it in cash. if things get nasty she will try to take it and what the man can't see, he can't take.
red crayon
03-10-2013, 09:58 PM
Again I wish I had some good advice to share. I dont. This devorce thing works very well for most people but there are exceptions. Everyone is right get a lawyer! With a Lawyer you will probably be able to keep your friend, wife, as she is right now. Without one who knows.
My wife and I split for awhile back in the 80's, a few months. I am still with here and still love her with all my heart. I found out her mom talked her into it, thats why we split. I just came home from work one day and I had one plate one chair one spoon one fork one blanket one towel one bar of soap one . . . . well you get the idea. They had cleaned out the house. After that she said she wanted something better but we could still be friends. I told her "Does the phrase Rot in Hell mean anything to you!" To make a long story short we wound up getting back together a few months later. I kept asking the kids if she had a boy friend. If she did I was going to be gone forever. They said no. I was just working and making all the money I could which ment long hours at work. She kept making sure most of it was being spent. That was an expensive bunch of nonsence she pulled on me and it cost us a house and bad credit for a long time.
Now we have a great mirrage and get along great! I wouldnt trade her for anything. She worked hard and has mostly made ammends for what happened during our split. Still I was hurt and it wouldnt take much to open that old wound back up. I forgave her but I cant forget.
I told you this story to let you know things are bad for you but they could be worse. I believe things will get better for you! Time heals as they say. I also think distance helps but thats me. Maybe this story will help you out some way, I hope so.
zedhed
03-11-2013, 12:06 PM
Ecto you have a good start. You and her need to sit down together and handle as much of this as you can bro. And put it in writing. Tell her and make her know that you want what is best for both of you and why give your money to the dam lawyers. Make her know that this is why you wanna do as much as you 2 can yourselves. It will save you a ton, both of you.
You and run it. You dont have to let the lawyers do it all and no sense in throwing your money at them. All you really need them for is to appear with you in the court room and thats all bro.
Been there and done this. This is really the very best way. You and her work it out your selves and good luck to you both bro.
REGGOR
03-11-2013, 04:25 PM
I wanted to tell you what happend to me to show you how bad things can get ... Bro some women can be so evil that its unimaganinble.. Good luck brother i hope it goes nice and easy for you..
Ecto you have a good start. You and her need to sit down together and handle as much of this as you can bro. And put it in writing. Tell her and make her know that you want what is best for both of you and why give your money to the dam lawyers. Make her know that this is why you wanna do as much as you 2 can yourselves. It will save you a ton, both of you.
You and run it. You dont have to let the lawyers do it all and no sense in throwing your money at them. All you really need them for is to appear with you in the court room and thats all bro.
Been there and done this. This is really the very best way. You and her work it out your selves and good luck to you both bro.
Funny you mention that, we are actually talking about that now. We would like to do this ourselves, I just hope we can settle on who pays for what. Do we still need to hire lawyers to just make an appearance, what does that do?
chrisotpherm
03-11-2013, 06:30 PM
Yes man. Always have a lawyer to keep things legal and on track.
zedhed
03-12-2013, 10:16 AM
^^^agree^^^
And remember that right you now you are vulnerable and your hurting so you are gonna give everything. Try to step back and ask yourself do I really wanna give that, or is it something that I will need for me.
Trust me bro you will kick yourself if you dont.
tommygunz
03-21-2013, 05:42 PM
The kids are all that's matter in a divorce. Do what ever you have to do to take care of them and keep them in your life. The rest of the things will sort themselves out, might be hard to see that right now, but they will.
Well I got on anti-depressants, so I feel better. It seems to be working and since I still haven't moved out yet, the wife still puts out for me as she feels bad for what she has done. I gotta get it while I can I guess, who knows how long of a dry spell I will go on later when I do move out, as I live in a small town, and don't do the clubbin' scene. Anyway I have lost about 8 lbs., my appetite is little of nothing, but I'm ok. LOL, I actually look more dry and cut up a little better, even lost some fat in my chest. WooHoo!!!! Sorry I haven't been on the board lately, but I have had to work through things and haven't felt like doing much posting. Thanks fellas!!!!
ltyson
03-23-2013, 08:11 AM
Hang in here brother. It will get better for sure.
Ltyson
ordawg1
03-23-2013, 11:27 AM
Tough time Ecto-do the best you can and all will work out-Luck-OD
Manny1983
03-23-2013, 12:15 PM
We are here for you brother
Hang in there brother.. Keep your head up!
tommygunz
03-25-2013, 09:30 PM
The AD meds will help, they take a few weeks, hopefully you are on something mild. Remember that you will have to taper off of them slowly. Weight loss is normal and you will get it all back. Take things a day at a time.
babablacksheep
03-25-2013, 09:56 PM
One day at a time bro....I wish only the best for you and your children.
kazman68
03-26-2013, 01:12 AM
You have alot of support here..that's why I choose this board only...real family here.
chrisotpherm
03-26-2013, 02:57 PM
Hang in there man. Nothing but love here for you. Your not alone.
neoclassical
03-26-2013, 03:06 PM
Well I got on anti-depressants, so I feel better. It seems to be working and since I still haven't moved out yet, the wife still puts out for me as she feels bad for what she has done. I gotta get it while I can I guess, who knows how long of a dry spell I will go on later when I do move out, as I live in a small town, and don't do the clubbin' scene. Anyway I have lost about 8 lbs., my appetite is little of nothing, but I'm ok. LOL, I actually look more dry and cut up a little better, even lost some fat in my chest. WooHoo!!!! Sorry I haven't been on the board lately, but I have had to work through things and haven't felt like doing much posting. Thanks fellas!!!!
^^^
Hang in there Ecto. You're not alone brother.
mj_0360
03-26-2013, 04:22 PM
Well I got on anti-depressants, so I feel better. It seems to be working and since I still haven't moved out yet, the wife still puts out for me as she feels bad for what she has done. I gotta get it while I can I guess, who knows how long of a dry spell I will go on later when I do move out, as I live in a small town, and don't do the clubbin' scene. Anyway I have lost about 8 lbs., my appetite is little of nothing, but I'm ok. LOL, I actually look more dry and cut up a little better, even lost some fat in my chest. WooHoo!!!! Sorry I haven't been on the board lately, but I have had to work through things and haven't felt like doing much posting. Thanks fellas!!!!
Isn't it kinda awkward still sleeping w your soon to be ex? It just seems like sex would jydt complicate things.
Isn't it kinda awkward still sleeping w your soon to be ex? It just seems like sex would jydt complicate things.
No not at all, we are unique in our relationship as friends. She is just trying to help an old boy out for the time being. We don't share it as intimacy, it is just sex, nothing more. And here is some more awkwardness, she set me up with one of her smoking hot ass best friend, got a date coming soon. My soon to be Ex is cool with it. She just wants the best for me and wants to see me happy.
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