Having teen trouble

[Layddually2]

I have recently found out one of my 16 yo is cutting her self. Anyone her ever felt with anything like this? You can pm me if you want to keep it private. I dont know what to do with her. She wont talk to me about it. She told her sister it's because her sister is better at every thing than her. Her sister told me her "boyfriend" is a cutter and has been encouraging her to cut.

[baby1]

I have recently found out one of my 16 yo is cutting her self. Anyone her ever felt with anything like this? You can pm me if you want to keep it private. I dont know what to do with her. She wont talk to me about it. She told her sister it's because her sister is better at every thing than her. Her sister told me her "boyfriend" is a cutter and has been encouraging her to cut.

I am so sorry to hear this. I have a niece that starting doing that around that age but she did end up stopping. I can not tell you how to handle this but if it were my daughter, I would seek her some help whether she wants it or not. Forbidding her to see the boyfriend will only throw her at him more, as that is usually what happens when we tell our kids "not" to. I guess you could confront the bf, but that may not be the best idea either. I can only imagine what you must feel like. Those years are always so tough and even more so in this day and age. Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

baby1

[Lujannoe]

My buddies daughter was a cutter. He handled it a bit differently. Instead of telling her to quit and blowing it up. He showed her how to sharpen knives and use alcohol to keep everything sterile. He told her that if she wanted to do it to go ahead. Its hurting no one except her self and he would love her either way. She stopped soon after. He believed she was doing it for attention when he showed her it wasnt as bad as she thought and gave her attention it ended. But good luck with it. Cutting is dangerous if not handled.

The Noe

[baby1]

My buddies daughter was a cutter. He handled it a bit differently. Instead of telling her to quit and blowing it up. He showed her how to sharpen knives and use alcohol to keep everything sterile. He told her that if she wanted to do it to go ahead. Its hurting no one except her self and he would love her either way. She stopped soon after. He believed she was doing it for attention when he showed her it wasnt as bad as she thought and gave her attention it ended. But good luck with it. Cutting is dangerous if not handled.

The Noe

That is an option and it is good that that worked, howevr, it could go the opposite way and the child may think the parent doesnt care about them. Such a hard thing

[MuscleAddiction]

Well I am on my phone otherwise would be typing a book...what has been said by both Baby and the Noe are both things to think about, but bottom line is just be there for her, show her your love and affection even if she pushes it away, do what you can do as a dad for your girl, sounds like impulsive behavior and attention that she wants, but yes maybe speaking with a therapist would be a good idea. My teen is now 21 and went from good to not so, not getting into it but teens are very very tricky to deal with, but your buddy had the right idea in a sense...but a bit dangerous too like Baby said. We are here, if I get anymore helpful info I will be back!!!

Stay strong for the both of you!!!

[Layddually2]

Thanks. This isnt completely new to me as a teen I didn't cut I tattooed. I actually liked the feeling. The last one I got took 8 hrs and I slept thru most of it. She didn't do this before this boy came around. My wife wanted me to confront him but uh yea that wouldn't end well.

[Big Hoss]

That breaks my heart to hear that Layddually2. I have a niece that didn't cut, but had an eating disorder. We counseled with her and supported her and she more or less "grew" out of it and matured. You can always try the intervention route. It usually has much success. I'll keep her and your family in our thoughts & prayers. Take care.

[Layddually2]

Thanks Hoss it broke my heart when I found out. She was wearing long sleves all winter so no one saw. She has cuts about 1/4" apart from wrist to elbow both arms. When I saw it I couldn't speak all I could do was hold her.

[zedhed]

Bro am sorry to hear this. Kids huh....I have to say I really have no idea what the right thing to do is but I would very seriously consider getting the influence of that POS away from her. Not that it would be right but I would threaten that little son of a bitch with his life. I would also make certian that he knew I would be constantly checking "around" to see if he having contact with her. But like I said prolly not the right thing to do. You and yours def have my prayers bro.

Sent from my HTC first using Tapatalk 2

[Ironguruera]

1st things first kill her bf. ill help dig the hole if u fly me out! Wtf!?!
I agree with baby get her professional help and encourage her with whatever hobbies she is good at and likes.

[Layddually2]

Bro am sorry to hear this. Kids huh....I have to say I really have no idea what the right thing to do is but I would very seriously consider getting the influence of that POS away from her. Not that it would be right but I would threaten that little son of a bitch with his life. I would also make certian that he knew I would be constantly checking "around" to see if he having contact with her. But like I said prolly not the right thing to do. You and yours def have my prayers bro.

Sent from my HTC first using Tapatalk 2

Yea that was a thought. Wish my boy was still around, him with no shirt on standing next to me would be all that needed to be done. LOL god I wish I was his size. Wife even asked if he would be back anytime soon she had same thought.

[zedhed]

I just I could feally give you some kind of really good advice but thats all Ive got bro.

Sent from my HTC first using Tapatalk 2

[Layddually2]

1st things first kill her bf. ill help dig the hole if u fly me out! Wtf!?!
I agree with baby get her professional help and encourage her with whatever hobbies she is good at and likes.

Haha yea I this cave that no one knows about LOL

[MuscleAddiction]

Thanks. This isnt completely new to me as a teen I didn't cut I tattooed. I actually liked the feeling. The last one I got took 8 hrs and I slept thru most of it. She didn't do this before this boy came around. My wife wanted me to confront him but uh yea that wouldn't end well.

Yeah...be careful, but know EXACTLY where you are coming from. Just like my therapist told me...if I want to cure my anxiety issue, get rid of the source of anxiety...which was my oldest daughter...and still is lol!!! Damn kids...well some ;).

[MuscleAddiction]

1st things first kill her bf. ill help dig the hole if u fly me out! Wtf!?!
I agree with baby get her professional help and encourage her with whatever hobbies she is good at and likes.

I will call you when I need a boyfriend extraction!!!

[Ironguruera]

I will call you when I need a boyfriend extraction!!!

Ill give that little bitch boy a reason to Fucking cut himself! Man that made my blood boil!!

Wtf ever happened to smoking pot and making out like a normal teenager??

I slept In a miniature circus tent last night with my 2.5 yr old toddler cause she refuses to sleep In her bed now. We let her sleep in the room with my wife but she kept waking up and wandering around.
If figured if sleeping in a tiny tent on the hard floor is what this takes to get her at least back in her room......so be it!!

Kids......

I feel for ya layd! Let us know how things go please. Get her some help and lemme know if I need to pack My fold up shovel!

[baby1]

all I could do was hold her.

Keep on doing this, there is a lot of power in being held(hugged). Makes me tear up cause i can imagine how you must feel

[itsdanr]

I wouldn't try to make it any more of a deal that you have to. If you push too hard she'll rebel. I'd have a sit down and try to understand the "why" then address it. I think most of all she wants to be heard so this is more about letting her talk most often.

she's young, immature and doesn't know how to express herself. she's really angry and depressed about something and this is how she shows it.

I knew two girls personally that cut themselves at this age 15-17 both said they felt like crying but didn't know why so they gave themselves a pain that could be understood. I would hurt, then go away and all was better. It's really odd and i don't understand it.

she might freak out if you drag her to a doctor. My sister did. she hated my mom for dragging her there and telling a stranger what she was doing. For her it was the biggist invasion of privacy possible. I'm not sure how it ever got resolved but she only cut for about 6 months and it passed.

My girlfriend and i got together young, she was 17 we'd been together for a few months and i noticed some cuts. After she made a few hollow excuses as to how they got there i told here to stop bullshitting. her reasoning what when she got so mad with here dad she didn't know what to do it was the only thing that made here feel better.

I didn't play this on smooth at all. I simply told here it was a dumb thing to do it looks fucked up, and to stop. She never did it again. This was several years ago so the only good think i can tell you is it seem to pass pretty quickly. Parenting is no joke. Best of luck.

[itsdanr]

Keep on doing this, there is a lot of power in being held(hugged). Makes me tear up cause i can imagine how you must feel

I ran for the arimidex.

[Big Hoss]

Thanks Hoss it broke my heart when I found out. She was wearing long sleves all winter so no one saw. She has cuts about 1/4" apart from wrist to elbow both arms. When I saw it I couldn't speak all I could do was hold her.

That was probably the best thing to do. Hugs, love, & support go along way.

[Layddually2]

She finally talked to me last night. She has a twin that is like a superstar at every thing and she isn't and this is one of the reasons she is depressed. She also has a delusion that she is ugly. She said she feels like the only reason I tell her she is beautiful is because I'm her dad. So I have a starting point.

[baby1]

She finally talked to me last night. She has a twin that is like a superstar at every thing and she isn't and this is one of the reasons she is depressed. She also has a delusion that she is ugly. She said she feels like the only reason I tell her she is beautiful is because I'm her dad. So I have a starting point.

This is a good thing that she has started to open up to you. I am glad to hear this and I pray she gets better. Makes me my heart hurt when kids feel such pain

[Big Hoss]

That's good news! The power of prayer is working!

[Layddually2]

Yes it is Hoss. Thank you GOD.

[MuscleAddiction]

Glad it is starting to take a turn for the better bro...prayer is a powerful tool for hope and faith!!! Will send some more for your continued success with yours and your baby girls relationship!!! She opened up...keep her open!!! Cuddle up and watch the movie Chasing Mavericks together, the meaning behind the movie will move the both of you..."Live like Jay!"

Much love bro!!!

[Layddually2]

Glad it is starting to take a turn for the better bro...prayer is a powerful tool for hope and faith!!! Will send some more for your continued success with yours and your baby girls relationship!!! She opened up...keep her open!!! Cuddle up and watch the movie Chasing Mavericks together, the meaning behind the movie will move the both of you..."Live like Jay!"

Much love bro!!!

Wait is that the surf docu/movie?

[Layddually2]

She doesn't know it yet but if things start looking better then she is going to Hawaii next month.

[Vicious 13]

U need to ground her take everything away and send her to rehab... I've had my drug problems and this hugs and kisses and being nice won't help. If y feel sorry for her she wins your enabling it. Tough love is what's needed


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MuscleAddiction]

Wait is that the surf docu/movie?

Yes it is...and one of mine and my girls favorite all time movies...you two will love it, and there is something else behind the movies meaning I will let you know later, not on the open forum ;).

[MuscleAddiction]

She doesn't know it yet but if things start looking better then she is going to Hawaii next month.

Surf lessons :)

[baby1]

I dont think this situation is exactly like addiction. Maybe it could be dealt with that way and maybe not? Tough love is something that needs to be done in situations, but I am not sure about that with this. Showing your child you love them is not enabling them.

In all honesty, noone can tell you what to do, we can only offer advice, experience and opinions. You have to go with how YOU feel about this. You know your daughter and we dont. If you dont think you dont want her to see a professional about this situation, I think it would be wise for you to talk to a professional about what is going on. They can offer you ways to deal with her and the problems she is having. Problems that our children have become a problem for the whole family and it is imperative for all of the family to be educated on the situation at hand.

[MuscleAddiction]

I dont think this situation is exactly like addiction. Maybe it could be dealt with that way and maybe not? Tough love is something that needs to be done in situations, but I am not sure about that with this. Showing your child you love them is not enabling them.

In all honesty, noone can tell you what to do, we can only offer advice, experience and opinions. You have to go with how YOU feel about this. You know your daughter and we dont. If you dont think you dont want her to see a professional about this situation, I think it would be wise for you to talk to a professional about what is going on. They can offer you ways to deal with her and the problems she is having. Problems that our children have become a problem for the whole family and it is imperative for all of the family to be educated on the situation at hand.

^^^ this!!!

[baby1]

One more thing, I am giving you my opinion as a Mom, fathers often deal with things differently, but not always.

[Vicious 13]

Obviously he doesn't know his daughter... Just like addiction my parents didn't know me they knew who I used to be. The problem w America is we don't do the tough love anymore and we get caught up in this everyone feel sorry for me give me pills to make me feel better blah blah blah it's bs


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Vicious 13]

And body mutation/modification (tattoos) is an addiction the enjoy the rush and the pain they become addicted to it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Vicious 13]

Or even the attention I know people that have started using just to b noticed or just to b cool. She's not old enough to make her own smart decisions so they need to b made for her that's my opinion


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[baby1]

Obviously he doesn't know his daughter... Just like addiction my parents didn't know me they knew who I used to be. The problem w America is we don't do the tough love anymore and we get caught up in this everyone feel sorry for me give me pills to make me feel better blah blah blah it's bs


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You are right in the fact that he obviously didnt know what his daughter was doing, however, he she is his daughter and I would bet he knows about her and how to deal with her. I just hope whatever path is chosen, she gets better.

I guess some would just sit back and do nothing but me, I wouldnt take a chance with that when a child is this young. The suicide rate amongst teens is higher than it ever has been. I blame that partly on all the electronics, social media etc and also when both parents have to work, that can be a strain on kids in these very trying years. Some people do not have a choice and they have to both work but when they have the time, quality family time should be made.

[Layddually2]

Rehab and tough love made me worse. I started when I was 12 was in juvy at 13 rehab at 14 left home at 15. I got clean on my own at 19 when my gf was preg with twins.

[MuscleAddiction]

Vic bro...you are arguing with a very strong mom lol...both have valid points, Baby knows a little what I am going through with my oldest who just turned 21 on the 9th...but all this started when she hit 18 and she knew she was being considered an adult...even though she was a VERY immature teen, she ran with it knowing us as parents didn't have a leg to stand on anymore and no control over her...guess where she is now :(...heartbreaking!!! But Baby is right and Vic you ha e valid points on some things...I am a dad and I thought I knew my daughter...but I do know my little girl and DO practice tough love with the oldest!!!

[baby1]

Its ok MA, we are not arguing. We just have different opinions here and that is okay. I respect how others feel even when they dont agree with me.

[Layddually2]

And body mutation/modification (tattoos) is an addiction the enjoy the rush and the pain they become addicted to it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

And yes I know this too I have had around 20 tattoos on me some have been removed some covered and yes I want another but wife wants me to remove more.

[Layddually2]

We have her set up to see some one. Vic if you knew this girl you would understand tough love would make her worse or even suicidal. It's a very touchy thing basically though my plan of attack right now (last chance before psych hosp) is to love her, help her find some thing she wants to do for a hobby, she now also is going to be volunteer at children hosp this summer in the unit where there are teens that are fighting for their lives. Yes I am going to spoil her because like I said her twin has gotten most of the attention all her life.

MA yes I love that movie but didn't catch the hidden meaning. I will watch with her for sure. If she does get to go to Hawaii I'm definitely getting her surf lessons.

[MuscleAddiction]

We have her set up to see some one. Vic if you knew this girl you would understand tough love would make her worse or even suicidal. It's a very touchy thing basically though my plan of attack right now (last chance before psych hosp) is to love her, help her find some thing she wants to do for a hobby, she now also is going to be volunteer at children hosp this summer in the unit where there are teens that are fighting for their lives. Yes I am going to spoil her because like I said her twin has gotten most of the attention all her life.

MA yes I love that movie but didn't catch the hidden meaning. I will watch with her for sure. If she does get to go to Hawaii I'm definitely getting her surf lessons.

PM sent :)

[Vicious 13]

I don't mean to argue I know this is a tough situation I just was stating how I feel and what helped me. Things I've seen with friends that's all. I've been through it so I see it different I guess


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Layddually2]

I don't mean to argue I know this is a tough situation I just was stating how I feel and what helped me. Things I've seen with friends that's all. I've been through it so I see it different I guess


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

For some people it is the way to go. Like I said in an earlier post I have been thru it too and tough love made me worse. When I was 15 I left home on my way out my dad tried to stop me I told him if he ever touch me again I would kill him. When my twins where born we made ammends. He died from prostate cancer about 5 yrs later.

But guess what? Had he once told me that I did some thing right or showed that he cared I probably wouldn't have been like I was. After I had my kids he praised me and told everyone how proud of me he was.

[Vicious 13]

Yea for me it was different my parents gave me everything and I always felt entitled... I needed to learn the world is tough and nothing is given


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Layddually2]

I don't give them anything I make them earn what ever they have. Even when I lived with my parents I didn't have anything I was dirt poor. Even to this day I can't stand pinto beans and biscuits. Just thinking about it pisses me off. I tried to get a job when I was 12 but of course laws fucked that up so I made my own way. Started sell weed for a guy down the street, that turned to other things including what the state called organized crime. Long story short I was charged with 6 felonies on my 13 bday.

[Layddually2]

Just to clarify I regret what I did.

[Ironguruera]

U all have very good advise here.
I don't feel tough love is the answer here and I have no prob with tough love.

I suggest if she has a hobby or skill she is good at get her involved in that so she can do well and be proud of it.
U said she feels inferior of her sister give her a hobby she enjoys and excels in

[Layddually2]

U all have very good advise here.
I don't feel tough love is the answer here and I have no prob with tough love.

I suggest if she has a hobby or skill she is good at get her involved in that so she can do well and be proud of it.
U said she feels inferior of her sister give her a hobby she enjoys and excels in

This is part of the plan.

[Big Hoss]

It's a very fine line and delicate situation dealing with kids & teenagers these days.